HOLLAND (WTHC) — Parents may not be able to shield children from the news, but there are ways to help them understand when they encounter violent news, according to clinical psychologist Jean C. Russner, Holland Hospital’s outpatient behavioral health services clinic manager.
It’s OK to shield very young children (under 5 or 6 years old) from news like the Orlando shootings, she said, unless they ask about it or adults see behavioral changes.
One common mistake parents make, she said, is thinking a child needs a lot of information in order to be ready for the world. But too much of a detailed explanation, Russner said, could tramatize a young child.
“If the child seems satisfied with first discussion, don’t press it,” she said. “Only address it again if they bring it up, or their behavior changes in a way that signals distress.”
Parents can help children in elementary school who are hearing or see stories about a tragedy by sympathizing with their feelings.
Statements such as “this is hard to deal with” or “this might make you feel sad/mad/scared (or feel another emotion) but it’s OK to have those feelings” helps the child acknowledge emotions and give parents a chance to reassure the child that he or she is safe, according to Russner.
If a child seems anxious, it may help to explain that the tragedy is a long distance way, such as “farther away than Grandma’s house (if that house is two hours or more away), Russner said.
Another way to help children express emotions like sadness or sympathy by writing a letter to surviving family members or raw a picture, she said — or even diffuse anger by safely bouncing a ball hard on pavement.
In general, Russner said, provide the child with information that’s understandable but without graphic detail.
A simple explanation parents could use in the Orlando shootng case could be as basic as the shooter decided to be mean to people in the club that he didn’t like and decided hurt/shoot them, she said in an email to WHTC. Parents can go on to explain it’s not OK to hurt people you disagree with or don’t like because violence isn’t a good way to solve differences, Russner said, adding that children can be told it’s OK for people to disagree and still get along.
It may help to remind the child of a time he or she wanted, for example, a vanilla ice cream cone, but a friend wanted chocolate — that different preferences .
Parents who need help talking to a child about tragedies can seek professional advice, Russner said.
